Nothing to doooooooooooooo.


Fuck. The family’s voices just wont leave me alone. What the hell. I have no idea what is going on. Is this schizophrenia? I have no idea. It’s so real. When is this going to end.

I don’t know what to do. I have to work on my novel, design the computer game with my mom, write poetry, build a home server, and read read read and learn learn learn all the time.

I don’t know how to relax anymore.

Having said that, I’m not anxious.

But I am alone.

But as Quirrel said, “I’m never alone”. The dark lord is always with me.


But seriously, what is up?

I never go outside unless it’s with the family or to mail something out down the block.

I’m “learning computers”. Yeah right.

Nothing seems to help.

This SSRI dosage increase should, though.

It just takes four weeks.

Miserable -_-


This is going to be a long weekend, but I anticipate some level of peace throughout. I’m getting micro-startled by the slightest sudden sounds–neighbors talking outside, parents shifting in bed downstairs.

No one explains anything. Or else I don’t have the attention span to pay attention.

The distance between here and there: monstrous.

Fidelity. Capability. Crime.

I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing.

I hope you’re feeling the swell.


Computer/Server Building

Ugh. I bought a motherboard but it’s ATX so it doesn’t fit in the mini-ITX case I got delivered, and the ATX case I have to pick up in person about 45 minutes away drive this weekend. The server will be in the ATX case though it would be nice just to have it in the mini-ITX. I also have to return a MOBO that isn’t compatible as advertised with the CPU I purchased.

Building a computer or a server is a hassle.

I really don’t know where to go but my family is monitoring my every move and can stop me from doing things I want to do just by exerting shock impulses through the air or else just thinking about it.

They control me. They suppress me.